The Season of Openness

Happy Holidays!

The holidays are here, and along with them, many friends, family, and public that makes the season exciting, but also sometimes tiring and challenging.  Let your light shine, but read on to learn ways to keep your wick trimmed for your own sanity.

Being Open

We all (yes, even us introverts) do want to have the joy of the holiday season, and appreciate the opportunity to spend time with friends and family that we may not see that often. There is a shared idea of being festive, excited, and more open.  The season is about connecting, be it with those we have in our lives, those we care to help with volunteering, and those we rarely interact with.

While this is good, it doesn’t mean we have to accept (or allow) everything and anything to come our way.  Many speak about boundaries, and there is good information on how to set and enforce them.  Below are a few simple suggestions for you.

Finding Your Boundaries

We all know the person who asks impertinent, too personal of questions; or those who feel it’s okay to state their views without concern for where they are or who they are with.  That said, this is about you – rather than them.

Boundaries are easier when you decide ahead of time what you want, and what is important.  This means, especially if you are new to setting boundaries and looking to establish a little neutral or personal space, determining what is critical, and what can be let go.  Boundaries generally work best in our friends/family social gatherings as fences, not walls.

An easy way to understand this is think of a topic as a fence post.  It’s an anchor that establishes a point you want to maintain (no, I don’t want to talk about the lack of significant other, or about world events that I know we have polar opposite views on).  Then, using those anchors, you see that as a place you don’t want them to cross, and you visualize the fence accordingly.

The fence is there for you – not for them, really.  It’s your opportunity to recognize when something is truly past where you want to go. They likely won’t see the fence, and that is okay.  You now know it’s there.

Maintaining Your Boundaries

Now, this is important. You set the fence post, and you know why it’s there, and you have a fence up.  But, if you don’t maintain it, it will not help you.  Measure how strong you want it to be – is it  simple wood, a strong wire, low voltage electric, a warning barrier, or for that special person, full on high-power electric?

Ideally, your boundary goal is to keep things where they belong, not to harm the other or feel you have to defend your castle.  Gently point out the barrier:  “I think that is not a good topic right now”; “that question is uncomfortable for me, so I will not answer”.  Your boundary does not need to be a challenge response, just a firm one.

For those of us not used to enforcing boundaries, this process is not always easy; and you may find you over (or under) respond.  That is okay. This is about progress and growth, and having a bit more peaceful holiday.

Enjoying the Season

I wish all of you truly happy, joyful, and relaxed holidays, and that your family and friends share love and light with you.  This is a time of sharing, so be comfortable, relax, and may the spirit of peace and love be with you.