We all look at our situation through the lens of our feelings.
Feelings
No, not the song from the early seventies by Morris Albert. Rather, the experience, the belief we have about our experiences, and what we do with that.
Many years ago, a therapist told me something that has profoundly impacted my life: Feelings are not reality, they are just information. What changed for me then was understanding that feelings are my response to my experience, or more accurately, my focus and beliefs about that experience.
Perspective
Experiences are the major reason for being on this earth. From experiences, we learn how to respond – to our challenges, our ease, to our environment, and to those around us. How we feel, how we respond (or react, due to learned habits) is simply information. But it can be easy to forget this, and see our feeling as the experience itself.
Challenge
As I talked about in “Getting Lost”, we can (and will) find ourselves in tough places. Illness, work, finances, or loss of loved ones can all set us in places where feelings are appropriately strong, and even painful.
We often can manage this, gaining strength and resilience as part of our growth, and so move forward. But, there are times when a constant stream of challenges hits us. We find ourselves drained, our strength exhausted. Or, we find ourselves following the habit of continuing to focus on the challenge and our darker feelings from that. In short, finding ourselves stuck in the situation no matter what changes.
Changing Perspective
When you are at the bottom of the well of your challenges, everything is pretty dark and narrow. You may see the top of the well, but it is far away and difficult to reach. Conversely, you may find yourself at the top of a mountain, but what you look at (what you see) is only the difficult road, the dark forest, and the deep, rushing river you had to get past to be where you are now. Amazingly different places, but likely, you still feel about the same in both scenarios.
What if you suddenly learned the well is instead a sloping tunnel? What if you now saw the success of the climb up the mountain, and the vista that gives you the opportunity to see your next steps?
We can all get stuck, with our feelings capturing our eyes, showing us only the limits, challenges, hurt, and pain. That is okay. As I often say to clients, this is not judgement, it is simply observation.
Remembering that what we are feeling is just information can help us to see differently, see more, and change our belief about, and how we deal with, the experience. Remember, you are the hero of your story. Your journey is all about seeing that more often.
P.S.
Sometimes our feelings can get ‘stuck’ in ways that we can’t manage and are really outside our control. Mental illness is real, so if you find you can’t manage or are struggling significantly, please see professional help.
