Happy Holidays! Here in Minnesota, we already have gotten our second snow of the season, and a deep cold snap happening this week! The timing of this weather is leading me to fond memories of childhood holidays. And while fond memories are often a big part of the holidays, for many of us, the holidays also carry a heavier weight – memories and stresses that make this time of year bittersweet or difficult.
If your holidays are all sparkles and sunshine, that’s wonderful. For the rest of us (and for you cheerful ones, still), this is an opportunity to bring more brightness and joy to the holidays (and the rest of your year as well).
Seeing Expectations
In the US, the holidays are steeped with expectations of being cheerful, family time, and many traditions. But it also often comes with financial and time stresses, challenging dynamics, year-end ruminations, and work details. All this makes for a roller-coaster of emotions and situations. So how can anyone survive – or even exit the other side with sanity?
One of the fastest ways to make more sense of holiday expectations and reduce your stress is to be aware of what you are feeling. Stress is a fog that keeps you from fully being aware and understanding what you are feeling. To counter this, pause and then name the emotion you have in the moment. This allows you to see through the fog and understand what is really happening.
This is not all about negative feelings – if the feeling is positive, it’s important to see and know that too! Being aware of the positive feelings simply lifts your energy and spirit more. If the feeling is not good, now that you are aware, you can decide what response you may want to have, vs simply reacting. A way to change the response is to say to yourself ‘it’s the holiday – and I am allowed to be okay’.
Remember, this is not about changing the moment; it’s about changing your awareness and choosing how you want to respond.
The words you say to yourself are like a spell. Those words, repeated enough, become your mental habits. Those habits in turn shape your feelings and your choices.
Difficult Circumstances
All this can be daunting. When confronted with a messy situation – a rude shopper, an overly opinionated family member, or simply a stressful/painful memory – who wants to pause and feel like putting on a smile?
Thankfully, this isn’t about faking being happy. It’s about remembering your deeper self: the strength, the heart, the courage that has lead you each and every day to this present moment.
Circumstances do not define who you are. Your responses, your choices, your heart all define the you that shines and is seen by those who love you and surround you.
Seeing the Glimmers
While circumstances don’t define you, they still can affect you. So how do you anchor so that you aren’t tossed and bounced around emotionally?
A recent article spoke about noticing the small, simple moments that can bring happiness, peace, and pause. They named these moments “glimmers”, which is a delightful and easy way to think of them and see them.
Glimmers aren’t large, but they offer space for you to hear your heart. When added together, the glimmers can give you much needed lift and strength.
A few examples they offered: the smell/taste of the first coffee of the day; hearing a favorite song; a smile from someone nearby; the warmth of a pet greeting you; a few quite minutes in the shower.
These all can serve to remind you that beyond the holiday expectations, the stress, the tough memories, in your heart still lives joy, laughter, and most of all, love.
Love, and until next time.
